Arsenal: 3 players who deserve coal for Christmas

Merry Christmas to one and all. For the first time in five years Arsenal get to celebrate being in the top four on the 25th of December. Five long, arduous years.

Brushing over the table and there being a collection of teams below Mikel Arteta’s side who’ve played fewer matches, it’s time to celebrate instead.

Last year the festive period came around at exactly the right time. Arsenal had gone seven matches without winning and the everlasting agony that was this football club meant a day away from anything to do with them was welcomed with open arms.

And then they won on Boxing Day!

Arsenal: 3 players who deserve coal for Christmas

It’s contrasting emotions this time with the Gunners having won three on the bounce in the league and booking their place in the semi-finals of the Carabao Cup, which hopefully means that these two years aren’t working in parallel and a miserable defeat against Norwich is on the cards.

Please, Santa, no.

And speaking of presents, us normal folk won’t be the only ones cracking a smile as a relative we’re not overly familiar with gifts us one of those Axe shower gel and deodorant combo packs on the presumption that we smell. Oh no. Those ones we dedicate so much of our lives to will be opening their own gifts.

But not all of them. It’s presents for most, and rotten coal for others.

While we wish a merry Christmas to all the delightful footballers we support with all our hearts, some of them don’t deserve a new PlayStation or tickets to the Lion King on the West End.

They deserve coal.

1. Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang

Kicking off with the plainly obvious, there will be stockings stuffed to the brim for the 32-year-old striker.

Stockings full of coal.

Supposed to be the leader of his side who acts as an example to all the others (remember Auba mate, we’re the youngest squad in the division) he instead did the total opposite. Like a cat running out of lives, enough was enough for Arteta and Arsenal and the captain was stripped of his armband.

It’s a real shame, too. An incredibly likeable person who is always smiley and jubilant, sadly the rules are the rules and if there is anyone who should be abiding by them, it’s him.

So, sorry Pierre, no Christmas presents for you.

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2. Granit Xhaka

What has Granit Xhaka done wrong, then? This may seem like a bit of a head scratcher, admittedly, especially since last season was arguably his best since joining the club, and this Premier League campaign he’s performed well and worked his backside off to return from injury sooner than expected to aid with the current midfield shortage.

But as much as we can appreciate what he brings to the team, fans are also ready for the next phase. Life after Xhaka.

And we thought we had it over the summer.

Deep in discussions with Roma over a surprise transfer, the deal ultimately fell through with the Italian side offering a pitiful amount of money to sign him and Arsenal being unwilling to budge.

Xhaka made us believe, though. He spoke publicly about his desire to link up with Jose Mourinho and did a darn fine job of convincing everyone that it was inevitable. That’s not all his fault, as he would have been put in a position where he felt it was, but we’re being nasty here as we firmly believed a new chapter was coming.

Arsenal gave him a new deal instead.

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3. Mikel Arteta

Obviously not a player, we’re bending the rules slightly to include the manager.

Yes, the manager who made outstanding signings over the summer. Yes, the manager who has got Arsenal into the top four at Christmas. Yes, the manager who guided Arsenal to third semi-final in two years.

The same manager who did whatever that was against Villarreal over two legs. It still cuts deep. We haven’t forgotten, Mikel.

Starting out with the baffling false nine nonsense in the away leg, where poor Emile Smith Rowe looked lost at sea and everyone on planet earth could see that Dani Ceballos was going to be sent off, he was similarly experimental in the second leg.

Going with a single pivot, Arsenal had one measly shot on target against a really poor Villarreal side when all they had to do was score one goal. It was the tamest performance ever coming straight after one of the worst a week earlier.

For that, and for that alone, Arteta deserves coal under his tree.

Please don’t go full MacGyver again next time we’re playing the biggest game of the season, Mikel. Pretty please.