Arsenal and Nicolas Pepe: So… we still talking Everton Soares?

Arsenal look to be miraculously locking up Nicolas Pepe, so my question is… we gonna double up on the madness with Everton Soares?

F*** youth, am I right? Arsenal have gone from starting Reiss Nelson on the right and Gabriel Martinelli/Alex Iwobi on the left to starting Nicolas Pepe on the right, in the most bizarre and still unbelievable turn of events and… who on the left? Everton Soares, that’s right.

Nicolas Pepe is an exclusively right-sided player. That steps right in the way of Nelson, who I thought was so ready for the first team that he’d run away with the starting job with little to no competition, but out of the depths of nowhere have come reports that the Gunners are actually going to land Pepe in a series of installments that will culminate after five years for a grand total of £72m.

Naturally, as a fan myself, I take very little time to celebrate what is still a rumor (for now) and instead want to know what’s next. Because there are still a bunch of loose ends running around out there.

For instance. If the Gunners do plan to pay in installments over five years, that amounts to just £14.4m this year. Meaning… we still have room to spare!

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And since we are clearly throwing our defense to the dogs and focusing exclusively on the attack, my mind has gone immediately to when we can announce Everton Soares as the next signing, because according to the rumors leading up to this moment, there was a £25m bid, plus add-ons, that made Everton a doable deal.

If you put 25 with 14 and 6 you get…. 45. The exact budget we were supposed to have to start this summer.

That’s right! F*** youth and f*** Kieran Tierney too, if we’re doing this, let’s go all in and get Everton Soares too. Then we can rock a 4-4-2 with our two elite strikers, two elite wingers, and a midfield that has the express task of not screwing up.

Everton is exclusively a left-sided player, which cements him as the perfect other-sider to Pepe’s right-sided madness, and just like that, we have the best attack since Jesus walked the earth. Who cares if we give up three goals a game when we’re scoring eight.

Exciting times for this Arsenal attack! And just think what we could do if we actually sold someone. Then we could afford to buy Kieran Tierney.