Arsenal: Aubameyang bowel movement summarizes the season

Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang took a crap during Arsenal’s loss to Brighton and it’s turned out to be an allegorical summary of the entire season.

“When you gotta go, you gotta go.” This is both an iconic line from Jurassic Park that ended with a lawyer being ripped apart by a T-Rex, and a line delivered by Freddie Ljungberg about Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang after Arsenal were ripped apart by seagulls.

When I first heard it, I laughed. I was going to spin this in an “Auba’s potty break the highlight of the season” kind of way, but within five minutes, I lost the humor in the situation, because nothing about the current state of the club is funny.

Instead, I think you can look at Aubameyang’s mid-match bowel movement as an allegorical summary of this entire season.

For starters, the easy one. He took a s*** and the club were s***. But that’s just the easy one.

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The more important one is how he left the pitch and next to no one noticed. Hell, I didn’t notice. Neither did Freddie. You know you’re having a good match when you can take a shat break and no one notices you’ve left.

This is Golden Boot winning, internationally acclaimed striker Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang. Who left the pitch for minutes while the club was desperately trying to find a goal, and not even his manager noticed.

You know that that means? It means that the club was not mounting any semblance of a threat while he was gone, because we absolutely would have noticed that he’d left. Which just further amplifies the fact that this attack is stale, there’s no ball movement and, as long as that is the case, Aubameyang can spent half the match in the john, he’s not going to be missed.

There are so many matches where I end up commenting that I didn’t even realize Aubameyang was out there, and this one took it to a whole new level. Because he wasn’t out there.

It’s time to break up yet another failed attempt to put together a superstar cast for an attack. Clearly it doesn’t work. Build the attack, don’t buy it.

Really though, this isn’t Aubameyang’s fault. He is who he is. The same as Mesut Ozil. You can’t expect players of their caliber to just change. They have their personality and style, they’re going to stick with it. Either you build the club to accommodate them or you fail with them. I’ll let you guess which happened here.