The Bowl – Isle of Man
Only holds 3,000 people? Sod it.
It’s time to unleash Kieran Tierney in his natural habitat, so where better than The Bowl in his hometown of Douglas, Isle of Man?
Not part of the United Kingdom despite being literally surrounded by it, it wouldn’t be biased to have it there at all. Would it?
If these Portuguese lads want to taste a proper football match then let’s get them slap bang middle in the Irish Sea where if the cold doesn’t shock them, the rain will. All the while, Tierney would be warming up in speedos.
Fort Boyard – Bay of Biscay
Land? Who needs land?
Let’s go full post-apocalyptic Kevin Costner in Waterworld and play the game on a fortification out at sea, namely the set of legendary French game show Fort Boyard.
Adapted into a UK version further down the line, the location could bring out the old-school cage football vibe so many players are brought up on. The tie could be an ode to the FIFA Streets games of yesteryear.
It would still be Arsenal’s ‘home’ since Gabriel Martinelli would thrive in the highly technical, skill-based setting like he grew up back in Sao Paulo.
A total mess, yes, but it’d be fun.