Pain in the Arsenal
Fansided

4 gifts Arsenal need from Santa Claus this Christmas

By Ross Kennerley

LONDON, ENGLAND - DECEMBER 11: A detailed view of the Arsenal Christmas merchandise for sale prior to the Premier League match between Arsenal and Southampton at Emirates Stadium on December 11, 2021 in London, England. (Photo by Justin Setterfield/Getty Images)
LONDON, ENGLAND - DECEMBER 11: A detailed view of the Arsenal Christmas merchandise for sale prior to the Premier League match between Arsenal and Southampton at Emirates Stadium on December 11, 2021 in London, England. (Photo by Justin Setterfield/Getty Images) /
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Arsenal, captain
BOREHAMWOOD, ENGLAND – APRIL 08: A detailed view of the captains armband during the Premier League 2 match between Arsenal and Derby County at Meadow Park on April 08, 2019 in Borehamwood, England. (Photo by Alex Pantling/Getty Images) /

3. A New Captain’s Armband

Here’s a brief history of some of the recent Arsenal captains:

  • Henry: Left for Barcelona
  • Gallas: Stripped of the armband
  • Fabregas: Forced a move to Barcelona
  • Van Persie: Left to Man Utd for peanuts
  • Vermaelen: Lost his place and then left for Barcelona
  • Arteta: Suffered loads of injuries and hardly played
  • Mertesacker: Suffered loads of injuries and barely played
  • Koscielny: Went on strike
  • Xhaka: Stripped of the armband
  • Auba: Stripped of the armband

The d*mn thing is a poisoned chalice. It’s the footballing equivalent of kryptonite for our supposed superheroes.

Why? Why? Why?

Well, just maybe, the one they have is cursed. Arsenal may have unknowingly employed a Tottenham fan on their books, and they put a spell on it. It would explain a lot.

So, quite simply ahead of the permanent appointment, maybe a new one might be in order?

As for the current one, burn it.

Continued on next page…

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