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Yes, it really has come to this.
The masterminds behind Arsenal's inactive January window have blood on their hands. Within barely a week of the January (technically February) deadline passing, Mikel Arteta has lost two more attacking stars to injury.
Now, I don't want to absolve Arteta from blame. He, too, surely played a role in the club opting against signing at least one attacking option in the winter having already lost Bukayo Saka and Gabriel Jesus to long-term setbacks. While he made it clear that he was keen to oversee one or two arrivals, Arteta is also very selective. He wasn't just going to sign anybody, and that search for the utopia has contributed to leaving Arsenal short.
Gabriel Martinelli and Kai Havertz have both sustained hamstring injuries, the latter's out for the season. Arteta has nowhere to turn. Not until Martinelli and Saka, coming off surgery, return next month.
A difficult season just evolved into an Everest summit, and I can assure you that there's little Arsenal can do externally to alleviate their current issues. The Premier League aren't going to allow a Martin Braithwaite to Barcelona-esque deal as La Liga did a few years back.
Oh, you want to talk about free agents? Well, this isn't June. The talent pool is decrepit on that front. Let's look at four of the most recognisable forwards currently without a club.
1. Diego Costa
The former Chelsea striker was public enemy number one for a period, as he led the Blues' line with the robustness of a throwback number nine. Diego Costa was excellent during his pomp, but that pomp expired close to a decade ago.
We saw the former Spain international return to the Premier League for a short stint with Wolves in 2022, but Costa no longer boasted the edge which once made him a force. He scored just once in the West Midlands, and has endured a couple of uninspiring spells with Botafogo and Gremio in recent years.
Now 36, Costa is on the cusp of hanging up his boots.
2. Maxi Gomez
I'm no Maxi Gomez expert, but wasn't he pretty handy during his time with Valencia?
West Ham were keen on signing the Uruguayan international back in 2019 - which isn't a good sign given their history of identifying number nines from overseas - but were pipped to the post by Los Che. Gomez didn't set the world alight at the Mestalla, spending just three years there, but he did score 22 La Liga goals in less than 100 appearances.
Valencia moved him on in 2022 to help balance the books, with Trabzonspor picking him up for a small fee. However, Gomez has struggled mightily in what are supposed to be his 'prime years'. He returned to Spain's top flight via a loan spell with Cadiz in 2023, but not once did he find the back of the net.
3. Gerard Deulofeu
I may have generally been intrigued by Deulofeu 18 months ago as an emergency option, but the former Premier League winger unfortunately hasn't got a functioning knee.
The Spaniard enjoyed a particularly bright spell with Watford before moving to Serie A following a brief loan spell at Udinese in 2021. The Barcelona academy graduate enjoyed one of the best years of his career in 2021/22, scoring 13 league goals, but his form dipped the following campaign amid perpetual struggles with his knee.
He hasn't played since tearing his ACL in January 2023, and Udinese, two years on from Deulofeu sustaining the injury, terminated his contract. The forward's had a nightmare couple of years, with a cartilage infection post-surgery prolonging his absence. He may well call it a career soon.
4. Lucas Perez
HOW 'BOUT THIS FOR A REUNION?!
Lucas Perez was a Wenger special towards the end of his tenure, arriving at the club off the back of a prolific campaign with Deportivo La Coruna in 2016. Unfortunately, though, he was pants.
Perez boasted a sweet left foot but little else. He was our answer to Roberto Soldado, who Tottenham signed for big money in 2013.
The striker departed having scored just one Premier League goal for the club, proving hopelessly out of his depth on English shores - even if he scored a whopping three times in the league with West Ham a couple of years later.
But perhaps Perez, now 36, has reflected and recalibrated; ready to give the big time another crack in his twilight having left Deportivo for a fourth time last month due to "personal reasons".
Save us, Lucas!